Wednesday 5 September 2012

a rather personal statement

Rarely do I post about things personal. Since starting this blog on New Years Eve of this year, I'd say I've 'played safe', although posting things I am truly passionate about, I never did anything to be incredibly original or seemingly 'out of the box'. So, rather than the usual fashion/beauty talk I'm going to talk life, happiness and being yourself.

You may think it's silly for a fifteen year old to write about life. Frankly, I've only lived a fraction of the age I hope to live to, and have spent the last twelve years in education. I've never had a job, gone to university or had a family. Saying this, one day I'd love to.

This summer I made a realisation, I think I grew up. Now people may say this annually, claiming to be a 'new person' 'new spirit' ready for the school year, which usually by the Easter term has been ripped up into shreds and disguised by teenage rebellion. I figured out that, however cliche, you are yourself. And people who may be more beautiful, or more popular, have no power over you. They are no different from you, they are merely people of the same age, in the same position. Same classes, same exams. And it's what we do with this precious time that will determine the rest of our lives, the amount of money we earn, and ultimately, our quality of life.
 both images from weheartit
Now I'm quite an academic student, every year since being a young girl I've always set myself to goals and done my homework on time. Some say it's 'neeky' or 'pathetic', however I feel wasting opportunities is what's silly. I despise not being able to share my true opinion without somebody interrupting and beaming into conversation about there's, as if they were superior or more worthy of everyone else's time.

The other day I found myself asked by someone if I had directed a tweet about them. I told them the truth, it was, yet I was still put in a situation to feel initmidated. Luckily, I'd grown up from the past. I've realised that they didn't intimidate me, nor were they worthy of lying to. I take pride in being a truthful person, however much rubbish it may give you in the long run, I know inside I did the right thing, and that makes me feel good. And for the record, the tweet wasn't offensive. Merely me stating what I believe in regarding the actions of what rebellion and 'yolo' has done to impacted those of my age.

I may have mentioned this before in a post, but when I was 11-13, I spent two years living abroad with my family in Delhi, India. There I spent two years in education in years 7 and 8, studying at an International School. At the start I was up for it; although devastated to leave my hometown and friends, I was up for moving on and being reunited with my Dad, who had relocated six months before for work. I won't lie. There, I was bullied. I won't say it's the harshest case I've ever heard of, but it was relentless. Every day I'd feel awful when going to school, worried that the bullies would say another thing to upset me, and nine times out of ten make me cry. The thing about my school was to be accepted, you had to be popular. And with this you had to be rich, have authority, and be like them. And as bad as it sounds to say this, 95% of this group were Indian. I thrived not to be popular, but to be accepted. I was new there, and felt weird as the short British girl who went to the school as a genuine international student. I was keen to learn the language of the area, Hindi, which I picked up relatively quickly by taking language lessons.
Things happened during the two years. I was made fun of, mocked, laughed at; although these didn't really bother me. The constant effort everyone made to make me feel bad or left out got me the most. Purposely avoiding me, or making me seem silly in front of others, including teachers and the thrive to help drop my grades. At the time, my school report and grades were all I cared about. I worked ridiculously hard during those two years - 2-3 hours every night I'd spend working after school, only for my work to me humiliated by those who disliked me.
In Year 8 I discovered the school councillor, and can I just say she was such a goddess in my eyes. She definitely opened me up to a new trail of thoughts completely, her optimism never failing to cheer my mood up. The constant bitching would disappear once I entered that room. Now the point of this long release-of-bad-past is to teach a message, to give a lesson, to become happier.

The thing I thank India for is changing me as a person. I matured so much in those two years to return back home to London a better person, who knew that I would let nobody else hurt me the way they did. And you reader may not even need this. You may be happy, successful and enjoying life, living it to the fullest. And if so, you are incredibly lucky. But if not, don't go into denial, reflect on your past, however painful and think optimistically and work towards your future. Set goals, write lists and don't let nostalgic guilt or pain get the better of you. Do not, most importantly, let anyone else think they are superior. We're all humans, all people, all a society. Money does not equal status over you, either does popularity or friendship groups. You, yourself, are equal. It's what you work for and do in life that can determine your fate, not a nasty bully that may strike if they find somebody sensitive. I'm defiant to return to India one day, despite the wishes and instructions of a certain someone. I don't see it being any time soon, but when I do I'll be a grown woman, empowered by the message her bullying taught me. And can I add, no way is this a true representation of India. It's a wonderfully diverse and frankly huge country, with an overflowing population filled with love and passion. There's bad things about every place. In this case, poverty, illness, corruption. Like me, every thing has time to grow and I'm excited to see India's future unravel.

Thank you, if you reached the end of this. I may regret posting this later, but if I know I taught something to a single person I know it'll be worth it. I know, everything will be okay. As Marilyn Monroe once said,

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” Also, remember, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

So so so much love.



  1. A great post. To want to work hard in education is an amazing thing! You definitely shouldn't waste it. I certainly wish I had tried harder when I was at school though I did ok. Just remember, do whatever pleases you :) No one else should matter.
    Much love sweet xx


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